MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

Yeah, I know, I don’t celebrate Christmas…but a LOT of my blog visitors do…so anyway. MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! I wish you happy holidays, good times with your families and friends and may you all be all the more joyful and happy next year.

Apology…

Heya people!!

::waves from the bottom of the pit she willingly threw herself into!::

Yes, yes, I asked for it, I asked for med-school, and yes, that takes away my right to complain XD Lol, I was rereading my posts back in August and July and…hehe, yeah, maybe I should have listened to mom and my elder sister.

Bleh, I am not complaining…just whining.

Anyway, I am sorry for the ridiculously long gap between updates for my fics. I barely have time to do anything other than studying, eating, sleeping and perhaps…just perhaps, watching a few moments of this movie or that. XD I am seriously working on the next chapter for Leave Out All The Rest, but yeah…I am still on page two ::headdesks::

Bad Hathor ::hits herself::

Anyway, please accept my apology…because if you don’t…I will be able to do nothing about it and that will make me so sad ::snifflies!::

Bleh, anyway, me going now to study the objectives.

BTW: when they ask you for the best treatment for the medical condition “Talent”…just tell them that a course of FOMSCU-antibiotics will do the trick.

I just watched Transformers: The Revenge of The Fallen…and OMFG!!, I cannot believe…

…that someone allowed such an illiterate and stupid movie to be in theaters.

How, in the seven lands, did Jordan’s and Egypt’s artifacts come to the same place? That’s…that’s…GEOGRAPHICALLY IMPOSSIBLE ::headdesks repeatedly::

Look at this:

See where it says location 1, in the black box??? THAT is where the pyramids of Giza are. And see the place where it says location 2, again in the black box? That’s where the Petra mountains are, where all the Jordanian artifacts in the movie were shown.

I am an amateur writer who doesn’t even get paid for what she does and f*ck! I do more research than them. How did something like that pass off? Jeez…and if I use the car “cadillac DTS”, I get my ass chewed off by some bitchy reader. Seriously?! What brings Egypt’s three great pyramids, anywhere near the great artifacts in Petra?

And for FUCK’S SAKE!!!!!! When will Hollywood stop showing the Arabs and “Egyptians” in particular, as illiterate, dirty, camel-riding bunch of Bedouins? I am soooooo offended.

The following is just a “few” of how TODAY’S Egypt looks like:

And this is only a small part of the great, great Kingdom of Jordan:

As the pictures tell you…this region of the world is developed, no longer has camels running astray on the non-existent streets that are made of sand. I swear…the US media…hollywood, especially, is run by a big bunch of stupid, ignorant, illiterate people who can’t even open up a world atlas to see where the fuck Jordan and Egypt are.

Moreover, it is rather childish now, how every single movie coming out right now, illustrates Arabs as a bunch of useless, brainless dirty people.

I am sorry to say…seriously, I mean no offence…but when we were reinventing medicine and math…the forefathers of those people in hollywood, were crawling on hands and knees in caves. I really mean no offence to the American people…but this movie? This movie really shows how much the American society is mislead by its media.

WE ARE NOT STILL CLOTHED IN DIRTY TUNICS AND TURBANS!

WE USE CARS AND AUTOMOBILES THAT ARE NOT EVEN SEEN IN THE WEST!

WE DO NOT HAVE CAMELS RUNNING ASTRAY IN OUR COUNTRIES NO MORE!

WE DO NOT HAVE ARMED FORCES THAT ARE OF NO USE!

WE ARE EDUCATED, SMART PEOPLE!

Seriously, what pisses me off more than anything, as well..is the fact that the movie was going quite beautifully…UNTIL THEY FUCKING CAME TO THE PYRAMIDS PART!

Some autobot bringing down the GREAT PYRAMID OF FRICKIN’ GIZA, which has been standing there for over thousands of years??

You may go: “jeez, what’s your problem? It’s only a movie!”

NO! No, no no! Not even in a movie…Our Pyramids….they cannot DO THAT TO THEM! Not even in movies, not even in their wildest dreams. Let me ask…why didn’t they pick another place, like for example, the statue of liberty? Why the pyramids? Why THE HELL is it always the Pyramids? This is fucked up! Seriously fucked up.

Seriously, the people who come up with these movies should go to hell and actually bring forth REAL, EDUCATED AND TALENTED people to write scripts and actually bother to research their work.

I just have…one, one single question.

If these people never visited Jordan and/or Egypt…how can they make assumptions that we are simply some…dirty, disgusting, goat-herding pile of people? Why…what nurtured this assumption of theirs?

Seriously…these people should grow up. I really hope my blog readers don’t actually believe that the Egyptian/Jordanian people are like that. Really, folks…we have cars like you (and judging by the fact that I saw many Cadillac DTS’s, it’s safe to assume that we have cars that you don’t), we read (fuck yeah, the first word in our religions was “read”), we write (already two of our Egyptian writers got Nobel prizes on two different occasions), we are smart (Egypt has the largest number of scientists to get Nobel prizes…5. No country achieved that before.) and fuck, unlike what the media tells you…we ARE peaceful.

Can’t believe people actually said Transformers II was a good movie. Trash. Just trash. ::makes a disgusted face, puts up the post, and walks away still feeling EXTREMELY offended::

OMFG!!!!!!!!!!! KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

YES YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!! Today, this…COOLEST GUY EV-ER!!!!! He brought me the LOTR Extended Edition Movies…..OMFG!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!

NOW, NOW, NOW! IMMA GO FINISH UP THE FRICKIN’ HISTOLOGY DRAWINGS AND IMMA CLEAN UP MY ROOM, AND THEN, AND THEN, AND THENNNNNN!!!! I WILL PREPARE LUNCH FOR ME AND MY SIS, SO THAT WHEN SHE COMES BACK FROM COLLEGE, WE’LL WATCH THEMMMMMMM~

KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

*/so/ upset*

Dammit…

Was speaking toa friend from college. He’s really upset…I tried helping as much as I can…he still left feeling upset. ::feeling terrible::

If I see one more blue and/or red color pencil…

Imma commit suicide!! ::headdesks!:: CURSE YOU HISTOLOGY! WHYYYYY!!! Why does the Hematoxylin and Eosin stains have to be blue and red? Frickin’ helllll!!! Look at these:

And omg!!! Look at the next ones…BIIIIIG difference. Purple and blue!! WTF!

That’s it…

::takes out pistol and shoot histology to death!::

Now no one shall suffer.

“I’m alright…it only hurts when I breathe…”

“Sing it for me
I can’t erase the stupid things I say
You’re better than me
I struggle just to find a better way

So here we are
Fighting and trying to hide the scars
I’ll be home tonight, take a breath and softly say goodbye
The lonely road, the one that I should try to walk alone
I’ll be home tonight take a breath and softly say goodbye

You wouldn’t like me
Keep moving on until forever ends
Don’t try to fight me
The beauty queen has lost her crown again

So here we are
Fighting and trying to hide the scars
I’ll be home tonight, take a breath and softly say goodbye
The lonely road, the one that I, should try to walk alone
I’ll be home tonight take a breath and softly say goodbye

Goodbye
So why are you so eager to betray?
Pick the pieces up
Pick the pieces up
so why are you the one that walks away?
Pick the pieces up
Pick the pieces up
Pick the pieces up

So here we are
Fighting and trying to hide the scars
I’ll be home tonight, take a breath and softly say goodbye
The lonely road, the one that I, should try to walk alone
I’ll be home tonight take a breath and softly say goodbye
Just take a breath and softly say goodbye”

Here We Are, Breaking Benjamin

I actually used to think..

…that there was absolutely no reason at all…that prostitutes who no longer wish to do what they are doing for a living, do not go to the police to get out of that lifestyle. I used to think that there was no reason that drug addicts, when they are suffering from the effects of a slight overdose or when they are sober and realize their mistakes, do not ask for help…I had no idea why cheating husbands never confided in their loved ones…never confessed of their mistake. I never knew why I never said anything about the weird, strange crave I have to hurt myself in some way or the other…and I never knew why I never reported the security guard who used to blatantly harass me in school.

But today…someone truly, truly proved to me that yes, indeed there is a reason for this unfair shit going on around.

Apparently, that certain someone believes that all drug addicts, prostitutes -oh wait…’whores’ had been the word-, people who self-harm (or emo’s) and people who have been raped or otherwise sexually harassed, have no pride or honor or strength left on them. Obviously they are meant to be hated because of their habits…

What can I say? It really helped…speaking to that person today, truly, truly helped me. I realize now that I much more noble than other people like that. And yes, it’s the answer to the question I asked myself last night: “is this all worth it?”.

Yes…yes it is…people who are in pain…people who are suffering and people who have no one to turn to…they need someone like me. Someone UNLIKE that certain person I spoke to today.

To that person…

I have no idea if you are going to read this. I have no idea if you even bother to leave the small pathetic shell you built around yourself, where you only bother about complaining about how you are truly older than your real age even if people don’t see it. Let me tell you that…even though you claim to be all mature and grown up, you have the mentality of someone YOUNGER than your age.

Whores…is it? Whores are people who “sell their dignity” as you have placed it. More than 99% of the “whores” out there have been forced to become “whores”. Not everyone’s lives is a perfect fucking fairytale where they have food and shelter and loving parents who care whether they are educated or not. Sometimes, people have parents who are fucked in the head…they send them out to “sell their dignity” in order to get a shelter for the night…or a piece of mouldy bread to eat…or a chance to get educated. When you call them “whores”…you slaughter any chance they have to get the life that YOU have. Because they are afraid. They are afraid that when they go to the police…or when they go to a LAWYER (rings any bells, sweetheart?) they will not get the support they want, but will get kicked out and called “WHORES WHO SELL THEIR DIGNITY!”

Drug Addicts…if you are mentally older than your physical age as you claim…how come you don’t know that some people do not choose to become addicts? How do you know that those people are not so fucking stressed out they seek the slightest comfort from their pain? How do you know that someone who was in a car accident, who got hooked onto morphine and other pain meds to alleviate their anguish, didn’t get accidentally hooked on the drug? How do you know they weren’t forced? How do you know any of this? Do you know why these people keep taking those drugs and drinks over and over again till they self-destruct? It’s because when they go to their sister/mother/father/cousin, asking for help…they will be called “shameful and pathetic people who SELL THEIR DIGNITY for a drug”.

Cheaters…cheating is EVERYWHERE. It just about where it hurts more. It’s all about what encourages it to continue and fester like a disease. Cheating in an exam is not the same as cheating on your soul-mate. But you cannot simply call someone a bastard because they glanced at another woman and smiled. It hurts…yes…but what made someone just carry on cheating until they reached the point of no return? Isn’t it the fear of being scorned and called dishonorable by others?

Self-harm…there is nothing about self-harm that is attention-seeking. I used to cut and haven’t done so in over four years…but because I am so stressed out I had to do it again last Monday. I know what it’s like…I used to hide it and managed to do so for over two years, until mom accidentally walked on me in the shower. If I managed to hide for so long…how is it possible that I, or anyone else who self-harms, can be called attention-seeking and bratty? How can we be considered to have “sold our dignity”? I never knew why I hid it for so long…others who self-harm do not know why they hide it although it IS supposed to be a cry out for help. It is because we fear that narrow-minded, airheaded people would only look at us with contempt and say that we are attention-seeking although we go to such great measures to hide what we are doing.

Sexual harassment victims…

Do you know what that is? No…I believe if you truly know what it is…you would never have said what you did. You would have never involved rape-victims in a discussion like this. I understand why you didn’t bother to look deeper into the conditions that drug-addicts, “whores” or emo’s go through…I understand that perhaps you do not want to think that there ARE people who suffer more than just their mom telling them not to “draw”. But to actually mention rape victims in this…I think you crossed the line.

I will put it in terms that you will understand. Imagine that time…when your grandma almost convinced your mom to burn out all your YGO stuff? And you were fighting with as much power you had within you? Yes…imagine your YGO stuff as your innocence and the beauty you think you possess…imagine walking into a place you thought you’d be safe….imagine saying hi to someone who supposedly dedicated their lives to protecting you. Imagine that that very someone held you against the wall at the back of a building and stole away your first kiss. Imagine all of that…as your precious “drawings” and your precious “YGO and anime stuff”. Remember the fear you felt that all of your precious stuff will get burnt away? Remember the frustration that your opinion doesn’t matter? Remember how helpless you felt? Multiply that into dozens of billion times…because this time…you didn’t lose your precious drawings, you lost something as sacred as your “first kiss”…the daydream material for every single girl and boy out there…you lost that to a stinking, despicable beast…

Another example…rememeber the “Sailor Moon” episode? When you didn’t want to study? But your mom made you study the days of the week…when you knew that you could have been sitting there and watching your favorite show? It is the same…when a virgin female or male keeping themselves to their chosen one, are forced to tolerate something they do not want. And when they are just lying there beneath someone simply stronger than them, all they can think is that they could have been elsewhere with their loved one…enjoying sweet moments together instead of enduring pain like that.

THAT is rape…and THAT is what rape victims feel.

Fanfiction has more to it than enjoying your time…fanfiction reflects what the writer thinks and is the translation of it into actions through the writer’s favorite characters…if you believe stuff like this shouldn’t be used in fictions…I pity you. I pity you because I know…that your heart is so shallow and hardened that you would not use a talent in order to bring to light what should be avoided and what should be taken caution of.

I apologize if my fictions do not measure up to the standards of Nenya’s…or Bnomiko’s…or that “spanish fiction you read that was the only accurate description of rape that you ever read before”…I apologize deeply, sweetheart. But I know that my fictions, although dark…and very depressing…they have something that (I apologize to Nenya and Miko who are way greater than I am by many many many leagues), those two’s fictions don’t have. My fictions have a “human” feel to them. You are right. Nenya and Miko write Seto and Yami so beautifully in-character…no one can outdo them. Their Yami and Seto are just like in the show…”Honorable”. “Prideful”. “Faithful”. Yes…that is the Yami and Seto from Yu-Gi-Oh by Kazuki Takahashi.

I apologize…my Yami and Seto are less honorable. They are less prideful and less faithful. But that is why I have so many people who tell me that yes…in spite of me not believing so…yes, I am doing a good job. Because of the “characters”. Becuase they are “human”.

You mocked Leave Out All The Rest. You said you hated it. I recall it very clearly because no one ever told me before that they hated a fiction of mine. I felt so sad about it. I tried to convince you to give the fiction a chance. But you didn’t. And I was still upset. But it got better. You know why? Because someone told me…about Leave Out All The Rest…they told me to continue. To keep doing what I am doing. Because their friend, who was once a child abuse victim…who was once a victim of self-harm who now lived with her because her fucked-up father was in prison…cried because of how my fiction depicted reality.

I am not speaking about my fictions alone. When people include realistic stuff like this in their work…it just shows depth. Not sadism. Not cruelty. And when you asked me in a chat once why I put Yami through so much shit…I told you jokingly that I liked seeing him in pain. That was a lie. I lied to you because I thought perhaps one day you’ll figure it out on yourself. But the truth is…I relate to Yami in my fictions.

There is more to life than not being allowed to read fanfiction…or not being allowed to draw or watch anime. There is more to life than finding out that you’re the youngest one in your class. This should be a harsh reminder that you are NOT as grown up as you claim to be. Because life…realistically, has hardships. Stress, abuse, harassment, drugs, cheating and rape…are just very few. I don’t claim that I am experienced in life…I am but a puny 18-year-old. I’ve seen nothing yet. But I know that what you said today…was the harshest thing anyone who claims to be mature…can ever say.

I am aware that not all people are able to stomach vivid descriptions of gore and blood. But as a future…”lawyer”…imagine yourself sitting in your Firm’s office. Imagine someone who comes in saying they want to press charges on their father for raping them. Would you kick them out saying they have no honor?

Grow up, before you say you want to take up Law as a career. Law is too noble a career to lie in the hands of all the wrong people.

These people HAVE dignity and they have experience more than you do. They have so much dignity, and that is the reason why they do not seek help. They have experience because they know…they know the sad fact that there are so many people out there like you, scorning them for a crime that they perhaps had no hand in committing.

And I will repeat once more…please, please…Grow up.

…looking for angels?

For the lack of a better title for my post…I cannot once again put “contemplations” or “musings” or even “I am sad”…It will just make me feel even worse than I do right now…Boring and repetitive, for that is what I am nowadays.

I miss my parents and my little sisters…It makes me ache that I am silently hating my elder sister, because she refused to allow me to tell mom and dad that I could have taken a holiday before those ten days we had off…I could have gone to the UAE to spend my holidays with them…but…here I am, stuck here, all alone and with nothing to do except listening to my sister speaking about her fiance.

I just realized that indeed she is selfish. She wants to avoid my parents because they will lecture her about her fiance…but why, in the process, should I have to spend this whole year by myself? When she had first gone to college, she got to come visit us in the UAE. Why can’t I go see my parents?

I am extremely upset…I am unable to find someone to talk to and…no, she’s just not good enough.

Perhaps I am selfish too? But if I was selfish, shouldn’t I have told my parents that I could have taken a leave from college and just gave no regard to her? Shouldn’t I tell them that she just doesn’t want to see them because they disapprove of her choice of future husband? Shouldn’t I have refused to be caught in the middle of this?

I don’t know…

Last Monday I did something I had not done for over four years. I had promised mom and dad not to do it, because they made me promise, when they found out about it. But I just couldn’t. I am so stressed out. On Thursday, after I came back from college, I fell asleep as though the whole week I have been laboring without a second’s rest. Perhaps that is true…I really can’t seem to rest properly and I got no clue as to why. I am always sullen and my head aches so terribly and my left eye keep twitching. I am told that yes, all of this is stress…

I hope this pays off in the end…I hope that 6 years from now, I will look back on all this stress and tiredness and say, “that was really worth it.”

I am not complaining. I love what I am doing right now…I really love the fact that I am being addressed “Dr. Toka” by so many people..I adore the look of respect and admiration I get from my grandparents…

I just…*hate* that I am not allowed the same luxuries my elder sister had when she was in her first year…living alone. Tis not fair.

Hehe…okay,

barrie18 and Reiforizza managed to get screencaps. Anyone else? I’ll wait until tonight before taking those two’s requests and declining others’. If you managed to get a screencap, please put it in a reply.